cooldragonboy4000:

this literally fucked me up so bad

(Source: theonion, via awkward-cacti)

Timestamp: 1413669879

cooldragonboy4000:

this literally fucked me up so bad

(Source: theonion, via awkward-cacti)

the-robot-condese:

tiny-little-nebula:

taloa-nashoba:

thatthirstyniggafromclass:

misconceptions about strippers. 

pussy preach more sense than the fuckin government.

I want to break necks when people shade strippers. Let’s see your janky ass get out there and look that cute in 6 inch heels for 8 hours, smiling the entire time, stroking egos, pretending a dude’s breath doesn’t smell like a rotten animal.

Truth.

My sister has a Masters in Education. She got a job at one of the poorest schools in the city, but didn’t make enough money to pay to keep her tiny house heated through the Oregon winter or buy enough food or take her dog to the vet (first person who drops the word rehome gets a kick in the face.) so she quit and the only job she could get because she’s “overqualified” to work at Fred Meyers was at a strip club because she minored in ballet. I think people forget that stripping is like any other job: you have to have some experience.

And all those crumpled one dollar bills? 20% of that goes back into the club because strippers are renting the stages they dance on. Sometimes it’s more.

Despite all of that, my sister makes more money than she ever did because she works 80 hour weeks and literally never takes a day off. She teaches classes to drunk white girls, she does private parties, she does entertainment for conferences and shows. 

When I had to go to the ER last February and got a bill for $800 that I couldn’t pay, my sister sent me money so I wouldn’t be sent to collections. 

My sister is the classiest motherfucker in a pair of six inch heels. Anyone who calls her a dumb slut or a hoe gets their shit wrecked.

that’s the best thing i ever just heard get said

(Source: pinkvelourtracksuit, via keytosymphony)

Timestamp: 1413669875

the-robot-condese:

tiny-little-nebula:

taloa-nashoba:

thatthirstyniggafromclass:

misconceptions about strippers. 

pussy preach more sense than the fuckin government.

I want to break necks when people shade strippers. Let’s see your janky ass get out there and look that cute in 6 inch heels for 8 hours, smiling the entire time, stroking egos, pretending a dude’s breath doesn’t smell like a rotten animal.

Truth.

My sister has a Masters in Education. She got a job at one of the poorest schools in the city, but didn’t make enough money to pay to keep her tiny house heated through the Oregon winter or buy enough food or take her dog to the vet (first person who drops the word rehome gets a kick in the face.) so she quit and the only job she could get because she’s “overqualified” to work at Fred Meyers was at a strip club because she minored in ballet. I think people forget that stripping is like any other job: you have to have some experience.

And all those crumpled one dollar bills? 20% of that goes back into the club because strippers are renting the stages they dance on. Sometimes it’s more.

Despite all of that, my sister makes more money than she ever did because she works 80 hour weeks and literally never takes a day off. She teaches classes to drunk white girls, she does private parties, she does entertainment for conferences and shows. 

When I had to go to the ER last February and got a bill for $800 that I couldn’t pay, my sister sent me money so I wouldn’t be sent to collections. 

My sister is the classiest motherfucker in a pair of six inch heels. Anyone who calls her a dumb slut or a hoe gets their shit wrecked.

that’s the best thing i ever just heard get said

(Source: pinkvelourtracksuit, via keytosymphony)

postcumming:

where is the lie

(Source: holyfrijolez, via keytosymphony)

Timestamp: 1413662517

postcumming:

where is the lie

(Source: holyfrijolez, via keytosymphony)

(Source: versaceslut, via awkward-cacti)

slayboybunny:

one time I went to a gamestop and as I walked in the employee was like “cooking mama is over there!” and snickered with his friend and I was so pissed because 1) I was there to pick up diablo III and 2) cooking mama is an excellent game not an insult to fling at women when u feel like being a misogynist. anyway I hate nerds

(Source: slayboobunny, via keytosymphony)

Has anyone else noticed that February 2015 is the perfect month?

muirin007:

themaskednegro:

image

I actually let out a pleased little squeak when I saw this because ohhh man, that is beautiful.

(via awkward-cacti)

mrscarstairs:

Gather round children, whilst I tell you a little story.

So I was watching Fullmetal Alchemist with my roommate, when I got thirsty and decided what the hell, Ima get myself a Coke. So I went down to the vending machine on our floor and swiped my card and pressed the button to vend the Coke. Well, TWO cokes popped out.

Weird right?

I looked around, wondering if I was on one of those punk’d shows, and grabbed both bottles. Suddenly, a loud thrumming came from the machine, and lo and behold, 6 MORE COKES CAME OUT.

After checking my debit card statement, I found that I was only charged for ONE coke. Feeling giddy but slightly guilty, I nabbed all 8 bottles of coke and went back to my room. After telling my roommate what happened, she decided to go back to the coke machine with me and see if only the Cokes are affected.

She bought two Sprites, and what the fuck do ya know, she got those damn Sprites, AS WELL AS 11 FREE COKES. 

This of course jammed the machine, and before I knew it, I was on my knees with my arm up the Coke machine, practically birthing these little fuckers. I even read off their names on their bottles as I handed them to my roommate. We also found a random Cherry Coke had popped out as well.

Behold our finished family. 19 cokes, 2 Sprites, and a Cherry Coke, all the result of a very overworked and confused Coke machine.

(via awkward-cacti)

Timestamp: 1413661872

mrscarstairs:

Gather round children, whilst I tell you a little story.

So I was watching Fullmetal Alchemist with my roommate, when I got thirsty and decided what the hell, Ima get myself a Coke. So I went down to the vending machine on our floor and swiped my card and pressed the button to vend the Coke. Well, TWO cokes popped out.

Weird right?

I looked around, wondering if I was on one of those punk’d shows, and grabbed both bottles. Suddenly, a loud thrumming came from the machine, and lo and behold, 6 MORE COKES CAME OUT.

After checking my debit card statement, I found that I was only charged for ONE coke. Feeling giddy but slightly guilty, I nabbed all 8 bottles of coke and went back to my room. After telling my roommate what happened, she decided to go back to the coke machine with me and see if only the Cokes are affected.

She bought two Sprites, and what the fuck do ya know, she got those damn Sprites, AS WELL AS 11 FREE COKES. 

This of course jammed the machine, and before I knew it, I was on my knees with my arm up the Coke machine, practically birthing these little fuckers. I even read off their names on their bottles as I handed them to my roommate. We also found a random Cherry Coke had popped out as well.

Behold our finished family. 19 cokes, 2 Sprites, and a Cherry Coke, all the result of a very overworked and confused Coke machine.

(via awkward-cacti)

dutchster:

look at that dog trying to help

(Source: ForGIFs.com, via keytosymphony)

Timestamp: 1413661618

dutchster:

look at that dog trying to help

(Source: ForGIFs.com, via keytosymphony)

nintendumb:

imagine how radical being a pet fish is like youre just swimming around and suddenly it starts raining food

(via keytosymphony)

blairwaldorfings:

Britney clearly has no idea what is happening in other countries.

Special Edition: Britney in Germany

image

image

(via cherriesandtrash)

Timestamp: 1413310711

blairwaldorfings:

Britney clearly has no idea what is happening in other countries.

Special Edition: Britney in Germany

image

image

(via cherriesandtrash)

iamthegarebear:

witchbat:

nerd

Look how dramatically the other mantis falls.

(Source: nostalgicpatter, via simonwang)

Timestamp: 1413304772

iamthegarebear:

witchbat:

nerd

Look how dramatically the other mantis falls.

(Source: nostalgicpatter, via simonwang)

lakilester:

No one get’s lynched for exfoliating is the greatest come back I’ve ever witnessed.

(via simonwang)

Timestamp: 1413304699

lakilester:

No one get’s lynched for exfoliating is the greatest come back I’ve ever witnessed.

(via simonwang)

slugitta:

i can’t breathe

(Source: spicystrawberryboy96, via simonwang)

Timestamp: 1413304642

slugitta:

i can’t breathe

(Source: spicystrawberryboy96, via simonwang)