i remember when i was 5 i used to take dancing lessons and there was this kid in 7th grade who’d make fun of me and call me “gay” but the jokes on him because i gave his younger cousin a handjob at camp so who’s gay now
i think you’re still technically gay
We were talking about Shakespeare in English class and the tradition of throwing tomatoes when the actors are bad. Well it turns out, back then people thought tomatoes were poisonous, and so people would aim at the actors mouth and try to kILL THEM WHEN THEY WERE BAD AT ACTING OMG
you know how in musicals the couple will start singing the same song no matter how far apart they are
what if that happened in real life
what if you were just at a restaurant one day and you started rANDOMLY SINGING because your soulmate decided to sing a duet in the shower
"yes, I would like the bacon and eggs breakfast speciAND AT LAST I SEE THE LIGHT, AND IT’S LIKE THE FOG HAS LIFTED."
"tea is just leaf water!" "yeah well coffee is just bean water!" wow, it’s. it’s like everything is made of things. this door is just wood rectangle. this poster is just ink paper. this lemonade is just lemon water. wow, it’s like you can combine ingredients to make things that are more enjoyable than the initial parts of the equation. sure is a magical world we live in
bisexual people aren’t more likely to cheat in relationships but we are more likely to cheat at cards, while lesbians are most likely to cheat at jenga, and genderqueer people often cheat at mario kart
how the fuck do you cheat at jenga
ask a lesbian
this is never not funny
remember this show where this one dude had to guess what is he smelling and he put his nose into someones asshole and went “smells like ass” and the commentator went “correct” and this dude did the funniest expression ever. wheres that gif
On the contrary, my dear anonymous, I can be whatever you want me to be. ;)
Or even a lamp:
oh yes, especially a lamp.
WHY DO YOU LIVE IN MY ROOM
WHAT IS GOING ON
It would have been nice if you told me before you started living on my bookshelf.
OH MY GOD
- internet: wow pewdiepie is so egotistical he only uses his fans for money
- pewdiepie: *believes he doesn't deserve the fans he has and regularly gives thanks to his viewers for allowing him to do something he loves as a living*
- internet: omg pewdiepie never did a charity livestream he doesn't really care about charity!!!!!! 11! one
- pewdiepie: *instead of doing the ice bucket challenge he talked about ALS and donated $1,000. also has done several events before-hand for charity and becomes upset when media cares more about the money he makes than the amount him and his fans have donated to charities*
- internet: wow he's the most subscribed channel and his videos are the same quality as everyone else he's obviously not taking youtube seriously
- pewdiepie: *does every video himself including editing with no form of high-end editing setup. also has a LIFE and cannot sit at his computer 24/7 editing videos at lightning speed*
- internet: pewds is so offensive he makes rape jokes!!!
- pewdiepie: *made several rape jokes in his earlier youtube days which he has previously apologized for and has not made another joke like that since. yes wow it's possible for people to become aware of current problems and change their thinking!!*
- internet: wow pewds is so immature just cussing and lame jokes all his fans must be 12-year-old little boys
- pewdiepie: *understands that people have different taste in humor and is not bothered by the fact some do not like his material. has fans all over the world INCLUDING SINGAPORE and age demographic ranges from roughly 12-25 years*